lost soul

i said "give me your soul; i will keep it and i lost my own

I have these images running around in my head; These images of my state of existence that have caused me much agony.

There are things in life, as one once put it, that eat one away gradually, heart and soul., gradual like drops of water eating away the mountain. My soul, now, is all but gone and the heart is bleeding to no avail.

I am, I should say the only one I know of, who has ever witnessed this gradual gnawing of the soul and for that matter gnawing of one's own soul.

will tell you the rest later ..

pain and sorrow are not strangers to me

I am not well

I am not feeling well; I should say.

I have been rather disturbed by an image that does not wish to leave me.
I am not feeling well.

It all started three nights ago when after an ordinary day of concerns and chores I returned to the place I called home. As I opened the door to put down the ending punctuation of the day, I felt a sort of sadness that seemed to have been within me for all the length of existence. This sense of sadness replaced that of utter indifference, which has been my companion for as long as I cared to remember.
Now it seems imperative that I should tell you what happened next and how I came to be in the state I am.
I walked in what I always thought of as a bedroom and there she was; a girl whom I felt I had known from an era where physical bodies were not barriers and eyes were the windows to the soul. She was as familiar to me as the moon to lovers or the sun to a magi. I felt there had been a kind of bond between us from a singular moment in a distant past.
It did not seem odd to me finding her standing in the middle of a grave; a grave just where I use to sleep. My presence apparently was not odd to her either for she kept on standing peaceful and serine in the middle of my grave. I thought nothing of such surrealistic scene and went about my affairs carrying this great new felling of sadness around. As I was to place one thing or other here or there I noticed, she has glided right beside me and seemed to be attentive to a particular birthmark I had on my neck. This did not strike me odd either. I had forgotten about the birthmark which no one but my nanny had ever spoke of. She looked at my birthmark with her eyes, color of sun's departure and smiled a smile flavored with spices of pain and sorrow. I recall nothing more and the night was over. The indifference found its way back into my heart and the new day was up.
I went about the daily concerns and chores as I have had done for the length of my memory. Not remembering any of the pervious nights events I walked into my place of physical unconsciousness and behold the great sadness welcomed me and she too was peaceful and serine in the middle of the same grave. What was different to me was a birthmark on her neck. A birthmark just like that of mine, the one only my nanny spoke of.